Navigating Grief at Valentine’s Day

By Mary McKenzie, Bereavement Counselor, Cynthiana • February 13, 2024

Valentine's Day is just another 'special day' grieving spouses may dread. It can be especially difficult for the recently widowed. The potential load of emotional pain, such as loneliness, sadness, and isolation may depend upon whether Valentine's Day had special meaning for you as a couple. Grief can be intensified by triggers or flashbacks of special memories. Loss of identity and self-confidence can further promote a perception of awkwardness, especially in a world pushing a couple mindset. This is only heightened by media and stores advertising the upcoming special day. 

So how does a grieving spouse approach this heartwarming day? First, by acknowledging that this day is possibly going to be difficult. Ongoing grief can increase vulnerability, especially if painful feelings are minimized or denied. I'd like to offer a few possible options other than completely ignoring Valentine's Day's. 


Allow yourself to have a plan in place. Ask yourself what would help you feel better. You may want to engage in an activity that honors your spouse's memory or recognize your need to self-pamper, or both. 


Here are a few options to choose from: 


HONOR  


  • Make a Valentine heart 
  • Glue hearts on a frame with your spouse's photo 
  • Write a letter to your spouse 
  • Make a heart pillow out of your spouse's clothes 
  • Cook a favorite meal you both loved 
  • Decorate the grave/cremains 
  • Wear your spouse's jewelry 


PAMPER  


  • Buy 'fancy’ take-out, such as shrimp, ice cream or snacks 
  • Treat yourself to a bouquet of flowers 
  • Buy gifts that your spouse would have given to you 
  • Spend the day without any demands 
  • Consider creature comforts, such as a bubble bath, manicure, walk, exercise, sleep or music. 


Trust that your grief is normal and will take time to pass. Grief for a spouse is expected to last for two to three years. What may be painful this year, will eventually become more tolerable over time. Your heart and head will finally be able to cope by thinking of comforting memories of your love on Valentine's Days in the future. 


Bluegrass Grief Care is a unique and free counseling service of Bluegrass Care Navigators. We provide grief care to anyone in the community who has experienced loss. Learn more about how Bluegrass Grief Care can help you and your family by calling 855.492.0812, or visit our website to discover free grief care offerings in your area.   

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